imaginary friend

my knees don’t give up
anymore
my heart doesn’t beat louder
my mind stays clear
you’re still the same
but something’s changed
I think I like myself better now

I used to disappear around you
like my shape was there
but my soul got washed away
with a flood of guilt and embarrassment

— what was that about ? // what were we about —

it used to feel like , every piece of us
just fit .
but I can’t tiptoe around
and worry not to be found
annoying . to be me
…anymore

you made me uncomfortable
in a way that I began to want more
and get over this fear once and for all
if it all falls down , I don’t mind to let it all fall

I figured it out .
it only works if it’s real
and I don’t want to try
and colour it in for you
I don’t need to chase
an imaginary ghost of you . x

Elyna Winters